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The New Way Queer People Hook Up in the American Heartland

Many country-living gay folks I talked to on my trip share the same feeling. Landlocked areas are home to fewer gay bars and LBGT people than coastal cities, data shows. Add long rural drives to the equation and it can be really tough for queer people to find each other.

For a city girl, finding the queer scene in the American Heartland feels like searching for a sunbathing club in Siberia.

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Backwoods cruising spots—where gay men used to meet for anonymous sex—are mostly dead, people told me. The apps have nearly eliminated the need for them, allowing users to pick potentially any spot to meet for a hook-up. The technology is making sex, love, and gay community possible in places it never was before. Location-based apps like like OKCupid and Tinder — along with newer apps like Her , which launched four months ago, and Lavendr , which launched last year — are helping queer people connect in the middle of nowhere.

But finding a potential partner within driving distance is an option some gay people never had before. Paul, a year-old transgender guy, has a bloody knee when he meets me at bar in central Ohio.

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People in Ohio are scary. There are a lot of hillbillies. He may be right — but tonight the place is our own incognito gay bar. Our secret queer party of two is possible, even in the boonies, thanks to an app I used to find the most interesting-looking person to interview near my hotel in Heath, Ohio. It was too risky. But meeting people through apps is one way to weed out potential scary bigots, he says. Since he mostly dates guys, he uses a feature to block straight men from seeing his profile. Plus, it was usually a longer drive for a date. The app has no write-in option but features roughly two dozen gender and orientation categories to chose from, including, asexual, demisexual, heteroflexible, pansexual, agender, intersex, transfeminine.

No jerks and no surprises. Maren, a year-old lesbian truck driver, backs her rig into a loading dock near Des Moines. Nobody bothered to open a new one. Left Tackle Bar in Shoshoni, Wyoming, where the closest lesbian dating app user was 53 miles away. The disappearing gay-lady scene has made it harder for her to find a girlfriend.

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Or even just a nice gal she can talk to on the phone during her long overnight shifts. So she turned to technology, even though she grew up dating the old fashioned way. In bigger cities, lesbian bars started dying off around Others blame gentrification, higher bar rents, and the popularity of dating apps.

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    • So what are your thoughts about this dilemma? Should you move or stay put? What has your experience been? Gay Dating.

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